Monday, December 31, 2007
christmas eve with them was good.IT HAPPENS AGAIN..
i'm starting to think that i should never have met you. i lost a friendship with one of my closest friends, i twisted another one emotionally, i did things i wasn't supposed to have done, i lost a lot of sleep cos of the quarrels we had, i wasn't able to prioritise things - what the fuck do i have to do to make my life easier?
i couldn't spend christmas with you, now i'm not even gonna spend New Year's with you. so much for me being able to enjoy New Year's, looks like it's gonna be another sucky one like last year's.. GREAT! i can't wait man.. :\
it's bad enough i've got an asshole to deal with. now you're telling me to look on the brighter side of things when i can't even spend the first day of 2008 with you? you yourself said you wanted the same thing, but now i don't even know if i want to go out with you anymore.. i slept at 6am this morning, bitch. i couldn't sleep. i cried, i got pissed, i was fucking upset. i haven't had a whole day with you to myself. i thought i'd at least be able to spend just 1 day alone with you, guess you've got other things in mind. your christmas present's still with me, should i even give it to you? seems like you don't bother anymore, maybe i shouldn't either. maybe i should just turn lesbian, or become a nun, swear myself off people like you. what the fuck.
maybe i'm just being selfish, maybe i'm over-reacting. but you told me something last night, which was why you couldn't go out with me. turns out you're going out with your colleagues later tonight. it's all right, go ahead, i'm not stopping you. do what you want, i'm coming close to washing my hands off you.. how the fuck did i get myself into shit like this?!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
i know just how these kids feel - upset.LIKE SKIES THAT'RE SO BLUE
"we come crashing down
everytime we go this far again
we come tumbling down
everytime we go this far again"
christmas just doesn't feel right anymore. last year was sucky, this year was slightly better. what is happening to the world, or rather, me? i was all emo at night on christmas eve, up to the point where i even cried till 5am in the morning. seemed like everyone was enjoying themselves, while i locked myself in my room. i had no mood to go out, enjoy christmas with people. gave midnight mass a skip this year, just didn't feel like going. went to the cathedral on christmas morning instead.
SIGH. i think the only time i enjoyed myself was at Fatty's place on monday afternoon, the catching up and everything else was awesome. wonder what christmas would be like without people like them in my life.
christmas day itself wasn't as bad as i though it'd be. if anything, my siblings made christmas this year more fun than last year's. Sean came over to visit, playing "Fluffy Bunnies" was funny with him and Jeremy around. no matter how much i bicker with them, life'd never be the same without 6 of the annoying siblings at home.
apart from all that, today was horrible. i'm not gonna say anything about it, but let's just say i never thought i'd contemplate on "changing things" between us in such a drastic way. what you did was.. something i never thought you'd do. even if you never meant for it to happen that way, why didn't you tell me? i haven't been in a very good mood these past few days, sucks to know you haven't been communicating well with people..
anywaaay, thanks Fatty, Mel and Jer, for everything just now. especially Fatty, for answering my call even though she was half asleep. it's people like you guys who keep me going strong. and to end on a brighter note, Merry Christmas to all who read this.
i thought as time passed, things between us would improve. guess i was wrong, cos as days passed by, our quarrels were more frequent. why is it that shit happens like this? why do you have to be the "wise one"? why am i even in this state now? it's christmas dammit! i'll never get to spend time with you.. today was an example of what i mean. :\
Friday, December 21, 2007
i need another sentosa outing with them maaan.MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE
this week's been rather shitty for me. major arguments with people, sleepless nights (what else is new) again, i've lost easily 2kilos from this week, and i've spent a bomb on shopping for christmas clothes. nvm that, it's those arguements that've ruined my whole week, not to mention spoiling my moods too.
i'm caught in between two things. but i actually realised what my answer to that question was, and i only realised it this morning after 4 months of not really knowing why. in all honesty, i don't want to hurt anyone, cos that'd prolly be the worst christmas present anyone could receive. i mean, considering i went through it last year, it's a painful experience and no one should really go through something like that. HOWEVER, i've still got to say whatever i have to say to both parties cos that's the only way i'm going to be able to sleep properly.
sleeping at 4am and waking up at 9 - not a very good idea. but hey, i couldn't sleep, even though my eyes were telling me they needed more shut-eye. plus i didn't sleep the previous night cos i couldn't think of a way to settle the other problem i stumbled upon. SOOO, i currently lack large amounts of sleep, but some things just won't let me sleep like a baby on certain nights. everything's in a mess in my head right now, i can't think straight for anything.
and shit! i've just realised i haven't gotten down to choreographing the orientation item and new steps for the DanceWorks auditions. FUCK! i'm screwed, i'm screwed, I'M SCREWED. christmas is next week and i haven't finished with gifts. i need to get started on orientation, now. aah, fuck, too many things i need to get done right now. HEEEEEEEEEEEELP?<br>
i'm stuck with life right now, i don't know how to handle it at this point in time cos everything's messy. but for all this, i'm thankful i've got an older brother and a mom who care about what's happening in my life. one night, i asked Jon why he wasn't in bed yet, and he said he was waiting for me to tell him what'd happened that made me look like crap. sighs, i love that old man. :D
& i love you too. (:
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
mean dickheads.CHRISTMAS DON'T BE LATE!
been doing loads of shopping the past week, more to come this week with mommaye and daddaye! :D right, have plenty to do. christmas cards to get done, shopping for my christmas dress and shoes, presents to look for, helping TW with his gifts (i'm sucha nice girl maaan), plenty of wrapping to do - BUSY, BUSY, BUSY man.
anyhoo, mommaye and i were having the most hilarious conversation just now. planning the presents list and drifting off to other topics everytime we talked about different people, she's oh-so-funny i tell ya.
alrighty, i gotta get started on those christmas cards. CIAO!
YESSS! she failed her Ns. call me sadistic, but i don't like the idea of her messaging you, especially when you haven't even seen her before. she just pops by your workplace and asks for your number? i mean, she was trying to hit on you, you dickhead! >:\ all those messages she sent you, wtf? urgh, nvm, i shall just let this pass. no point getting frustrated over it.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
RAIN, RAIN, GO AWAY
okay world, i'm a really bored and cranky girl right now, plus the rain's not helping one bit (esp the
sometimes i wonder why disasters like this have to happen to me. maybe it's cos i created it in the first place, i don't know how or why, i guess it just happened, but i'm sorry for all the shit i've caused you. now, i have no idea why i'm blogging about this. okay, it could be cos i'm bored and waiting to leave for church, but aah, nevermiiiind. i think the medication's taking effect now. yay for me. >:\
SICK-Y LIZEE
first i'm all right, then i fall sick. after recovering, a few days later, i've fallen sick again. what the hell is happening to you, Liz. my temperature was above 39 degress yesterday man, and this morning when i woke up, i was gonna walk to the bathroom before fainting halfway. i had no idea what the hell happened man, all i knew was that when i woke up, i found myself on the floor and everyone crowding around me. SIGH SIGH SIGH.
sorry i couldn't make it down for your grandma's funeral, Mel. wanted to go so badly but yeah, certain things prevented me from making that happen.
oh well, let's just hope and pray nothing like this happens again. aiight, i gotta force some food down my throat now, ciao.
i'm sorry if i made you worry. gotta say your reaction was pretty funny though, heh.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
THIS'S FOR YOU MEL (:
i know the past week's been rather emotional for you, but do stay strong aiight. good to know that you've started eating and sleeping like a normal person (well, you're still not sleeping normal hours like a normal person would, but i guess 3hrs is better than nothing :D), hahaha. i'll try to make it down for your grandma's daily night service yeah. meanwhile, start getting more sleep! take care and God Bless you girl. WO AI NI. :D
BREAK IT OUT
ayeee, imma really cranky girl due to the insufficient amount of sleep from last night. barely had enough sleep cos another scary thing happened at 2am. what'd i end up doing? writing letters for Mel and TW, hahaha. soooo i stayed up till 8am before falling asleep on my table, then off to meet TW, Denis, Stacey and Eve before heading for Mel's grandma's wake. i was dead tired when i got there man, managed to get a few minutes of shut-eye before Mel came down. went to makan at the foodcourt, sent Mel back to her block with TW and Denis, then headed to Novena to meet mommaye.
went to Hans for tea before doing a bit of shopping. heehee, i'm gonna need plenty of shopping kaki soon man. OH YEAH, i still have the discount vouchers from TW, yaaay! hahaha, Olivia Pan and Yuvadurga - WHEN ARE OUR SHOPPING DATES? :D i need a new wardrobe yo! hahaha.
now, where was i after i got carried away with the shopping bit? RIGHT, went swimming with Debs after that. i swear if i could, one can die when in the pool with her. anyhoo, after about an hour of swimming, we started camwhoring in the bathroom. quite unlikely of me to do that nowdays, but oh well, hahaha.
okay, i'm feeling fat after all the junk mom stuffed me with today, hahaha. i needa lose weight. >:\
shopping date soooooooon? :D
